Achingly

I think the only time I really get down on myself these days is when I realize that I'm failing to live up to my own personal standards. It's like I'll go, "Wait a minute, I really am a selfish, demanding bastard."

I'm past the point of vowing anything, really. But I think it would be nice if I weren't such a cake-whore.

So I woke up this morning in a funk because of things I've done last night. I didn't listen enough here, and I wanted this too much, and I was really lazy here. It's a kind of 'morning-after' regret, but I know it's useless to constantly get down on yourself. But is that just a kind of justification for trying to ignore your conscience? :)

I know I sort of fucked up, according to me. The only thing I can do at this point is do better. But the trick is, how do I get out of this cycle of mistakes? Living up to your ideal is a constant journey, I know...I guess I just woke up this morning with a bit of road-weariness.

Actual compassion is something I need to work on a bit.