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This Fallow Thing
Jun. 13th, 2003 09:50 am
Hey there, all...
As I sit here with my morning mug of tea, I keep thinking that I'm trapped in a late Dawson's Creek episode, where all of the characters are still thinking in these really weird, 'soul-searchy' ways, but all of the revelations have been had, and everything worth saying has been said, and they're just doing mental tricks with themselves because that's what they've always done.
A friend of mine mentioned to me how I haven't seemed to really *enjoy* something for a very long time. I think way too much. Instead of just...appreciating something, seeing something for what it is, just letting go and being 'in the moment', I have to attach these little mental post-it notes to it. There's all this crap to work through, and it's impossible to really appreciate whatever it was I was looking at in the first place.
My on-line interaction has been...wanting recently, and most of that is entirely my fault. I really...don't know what to say to most people, and most people just don't care. I've been spending way too much time there in the *hope* that something fulfilling comes along, but either I make it happen or I should leave.
I've been feeling seriously fatigued lately. There's so much I want to do, but I'm horrible with time management skills, so I never seem to get around to it. I've had a couple of good days this week where I've been focused and productive, but most of the time I just can't raise the constitution to give a damn. Really, all I've wanted to do is sleep, which is what I've been doing. A lot. And I can never seem to shake the fatigue. I bought a bottle of multi-vitamins and such, so hopefully that'll help. I'm also trying to improve my diet (you know, not fast food all day. :)).
Writing-wise, I really need to get on the ball. I kind of feel bad that there are so many projects 'hanging' right now, from Love In War, to Historimorphs, to Salvation. Sometime later, I'd love to write a story arc for Boomer Express so that Tyrnn has a short little thing he can use between things, but blah. :)
I think I just don't have confidence in my abilities to do the stories justice. I really don't know if I can tell them the way I have them in my head, and it bothers me. That's what editing is for, I know, I know, but it's hard to shake the belief that I have to get it right the first time.
Anyway, that's where I am right now, untangling another mess and trying to straighten up.
As I sit here with my morning mug of tea, I keep thinking that I'm trapped in a late Dawson's Creek episode, where all of the characters are still thinking in these really weird, 'soul-searchy' ways, but all of the revelations have been had, and everything worth saying has been said, and they're just doing mental tricks with themselves because that's what they've always done.
A friend of mine mentioned to me how I haven't seemed to really *enjoy* something for a very long time. I think way too much. Instead of just...appreciating something, seeing something for what it is, just letting go and being 'in the moment', I have to attach these little mental post-it notes to it. There's all this crap to work through, and it's impossible to really appreciate whatever it was I was looking at in the first place.
My on-line interaction has been...wanting recently, and most of that is entirely my fault. I really...don't know what to say to most people, and most people just don't care. I've been spending way too much time there in the *hope* that something fulfilling comes along, but either I make it happen or I should leave.
I've been feeling seriously fatigued lately. There's so much I want to do, but I'm horrible with time management skills, so I never seem to get around to it. I've had a couple of good days this week where I've been focused and productive, but most of the time I just can't raise the constitution to give a damn. Really, all I've wanted to do is sleep, which is what I've been doing. A lot. And I can never seem to shake the fatigue. I bought a bottle of multi-vitamins and such, so hopefully that'll help. I'm also trying to improve my diet (you know, not fast food all day. :)).
Writing-wise, I really need to get on the ball. I kind of feel bad that there are so many projects 'hanging' right now, from Love In War, to Historimorphs, to Salvation. Sometime later, I'd love to write a story arc for Boomer Express so that Tyrnn has a short little thing he can use between things, but blah. :)
I think I just don't have confidence in my abilities to do the stories justice. I really don't know if I can tell them the way I have them in my head, and it bothers me. That's what editing is for, I know, I know, but it's hard to shake the belief that I have to get it right the first time.
Anyway, that's where I am right now, untangling another mess and trying to straighten up.
