Tell Me One More Time
Oct. 5th, 2004 09:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
Today is one of those days where, in the absence of any change of situation, the change of perspective makes all the difference.
Mom's still desperate. I'm still frustrated. The bad habits and little problems my body is throwing at me are still there. Disconnection, alienation, laziness and fear still nip at my heels like snakes in bushes. Despite everything I'm happy and vaguely optimistic. Despite everything, everything is just so.
So, about Saturday...I've been thinking of all the ways I could explain it and there's no way around the fact that I would sound like an ass if I elaborated much more, because, let's face it, it's an assinine sentiment that least to that little bit of angst. So, let's say that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
foxen_alopex called a spade a spade (Ha ha!) and for that he shall get any bit of American paraphenalia (legal, that is) that his little heart desires when I come visit next summer. I don't hold myself to the same standards that I hold to other people, and until I do I don't think I can really complain. Well, I can complain all I want to but I damned sure better be able to laugh at myself too. :)
I turned down the part in To Kill A Mockingbird. Thanks for all the advice and well-wishes and words of encouragement, but I think I would never have forgiven myself if I had skipped out on Oklacon. I mean, there'll be other auditions, other opportunities, other plays...I'm young yet and I can still remember a good line or two. But my word is my word, you know, and even if I don't have anything else I'd at least like to be able to have that. I know that I've probably forgotten a lot of promises to folks, and even ditched out on some, but this is a big one, and I'd be screwing over a few friends if I didn't keep it. So I'm gonna.
So I'm writing essays/talks to give on Buddhism and basic shamanism now for Oklacon. I'm pretty nervous because I've never done anything like this in anything resembling an official capacity. I do remember heading a Spirituality Roundtable at some point at MFM, and being part of a small totemic mailing list for a while, but that's about the extent of my experience. I'm more worried about the totem retrieval and Bone Game than anything; meditation is easy enough to handle, and the Storytelling Circle is just a matter of management...but, you know, totem retrieval is serious business. And it's also not. Making a bigger deal out of it than it is is probably not the way to go, so I'll try to make it no big deal. Important, but no big deal.
I'm making a mixed CD for someone; while I was hyper-critical of the song choices for a while, the more I listen the more it grows on me. I might have to mess with the order, though. I kind of wish I had my own editing equipment so I could do fade-ins and cutoffs and really splice songs together for maximum effect. :)
Boomer Express is still rolling! Please, check out the comic and tell me or Tyrnn what you think! I'd really love to know what I could be doing to make the dialogue or flow better. Tyrnn's been great with his input so far, and he hasn't been steamrolling over my writing, so I'm growing to be comfortable with his editing. This little storyline is going to be wrapping up, pretty much, next week, so I think we'll be running a bit late for the start of October's story. There's even a guest star in a shameless ploy to bring readership! Check out our desperation! :D
I've discovered how big a morning person I am. There's something irreplacably pure and quiet and calm about mornings and it's just so easy to kind of decompress when you wake up. It's the perfect time to write, but even though I get up like, two hours before I need to go to work, there's not enough time. Between shower and cleaning and making breakfast and lunch I don't have too much time to get into a groove. So I go into work with all of these ideas zipping around in my head, and I want to find the nearest little corner or hidey-hole and write away the day, but I don't because I'd feel guilty that I'm exorcizing creative demons on company time. And by the time I get home I'm kind of beat (yes, from shelving books all day, damnit!) and I just want to veg out and do nothing. So I get on-line and get frustrated when nothing really happens or there's no good conversation because I could be should be doing something a bit more productive with my time and by the time it's time to go to bed I'm way worn out from fighting my conscience and expecting other people to validate my wasting time. I'm thinking that whole cycle can be cut off by the knees with a good pipe and/or a nap and/or meditation when I get home. Hmm, maybe I'll try that today and see how it works.
Since no one's been showing up to the Drawing Circle when it's on Wednesday for the past few weeks, Eric and I have decided a hostile takeover is in order. We're taking it back to Tuesday at 7:30 p.m. If you're local and like to draw/write/read/study, you should drop by.
The second part of Dancing With Your Books was surprisingly short: it was basically a primer about meditation, but it offered up some things that I knew already and had forgotten about. More on that later.
My beloved Ravens lost to Kansas City last night 27 - 24. I mean, come on, guys, we can't win the Super Bowl if we're going to lose to the Chiefs. :P
A couple of things to do, and then work.
*bow*
Mom's still desperate. I'm still frustrated. The bad habits and little problems my body is throwing at me are still there. Disconnection, alienation, laziness and fear still nip at my heels like snakes in bushes. Despite everything I'm happy and vaguely optimistic. Despite everything, everything is just so.
So, about Saturday...I've been thinking of all the ways I could explain it and there's no way around the fact that I would sound like an ass if I elaborated much more, because, let's face it, it's an assinine sentiment that least to that little bit of angst. So, let's say that
foxen_alopex called a spade a spade (Ha ha!) and for that he shall get any bit of American paraphenalia (legal, that is) that his little heart desires when I come visit next summer. I don't hold myself to the same standards that I hold to other people, and until I do I don't think I can really complain. Well, I can complain all I want to but I damned sure better be able to laugh at myself too. :)I turned down the part in To Kill A Mockingbird. Thanks for all the advice and well-wishes and words of encouragement, but I think I would never have forgiven myself if I had skipped out on Oklacon. I mean, there'll be other auditions, other opportunities, other plays...I'm young yet and I can still remember a good line or two. But my word is my word, you know, and even if I don't have anything else I'd at least like to be able to have that. I know that I've probably forgotten a lot of promises to folks, and even ditched out on some, but this is a big one, and I'd be screwing over a few friends if I didn't keep it. So I'm gonna.
So I'm writing essays/talks to give on Buddhism and basic shamanism now for Oklacon. I'm pretty nervous because I've never done anything like this in anything resembling an official capacity. I do remember heading a Spirituality Roundtable at some point at MFM, and being part of a small totemic mailing list for a while, but that's about the extent of my experience. I'm more worried about the totem retrieval and Bone Game than anything; meditation is easy enough to handle, and the Storytelling Circle is just a matter of management...but, you know, totem retrieval is serious business. And it's also not. Making a bigger deal out of it than it is is probably not the way to go, so I'll try to make it no big deal. Important, but no big deal.
I'm making a mixed CD for someone; while I was hyper-critical of the song choices for a while, the more I listen the more it grows on me. I might have to mess with the order, though. I kind of wish I had my own editing equipment so I could do fade-ins and cutoffs and really splice songs together for maximum effect. :)
Boomer Express is still rolling! Please, check out the comic and tell me or Tyrnn what you think! I'd really love to know what I could be doing to make the dialogue or flow better. Tyrnn's been great with his input so far, and he hasn't been steamrolling over my writing, so I'm growing to be comfortable with his editing. This little storyline is going to be wrapping up, pretty much, next week, so I think we'll be running a bit late for the start of October's story. There's even a guest star in a shameless ploy to bring readership! Check out our desperation! :D
I've discovered how big a morning person I am. There's something irreplacably pure and quiet and calm about mornings and it's just so easy to kind of decompress when you wake up. It's the perfect time to write, but even though I get up like, two hours before I need to go to work, there's not enough time. Between shower and cleaning and making breakfast and lunch I don't have too much time to get into a groove. So I go into work with all of these ideas zipping around in my head, and I want to find the nearest little corner or hidey-hole and write away the day, but I don't because I'd feel guilty that I'm exorcizing creative demons on company time. And by the time I get home I'm kind of beat (yes, from shelving books all day, damnit!) and I just want to veg out and do nothing. So I get on-line and get frustrated when nothing really happens or there's no good conversation because I could be should be doing something a bit more productive with my time and by the time it's time to go to bed I'm way worn out from fighting my conscience and expecting other people to validate my wasting time. I'm thinking that whole cycle can be cut off by the knees with a good pipe and/or a nap and/or meditation when I get home. Hmm, maybe I'll try that today and see how it works.
Since no one's been showing up to the Drawing Circle when it's on Wednesday for the past few weeks, Eric and I have decided a hostile takeover is in order. We're taking it back to Tuesday at 7:30 p.m. If you're local and like to draw/write/read/study, you should drop by.
The second part of Dancing With Your Books was surprisingly short: it was basically a primer about meditation, but it offered up some things that I knew already and had forgotten about. More on that later.
My beloved Ravens lost to Kansas City last night 27 - 24. I mean, come on, guys, we can't win the Super Bowl if we're going to lose to the Chiefs. :P
A couple of things to do, and then work.
*bow*
