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jakebe
Mm. Still being torn apart in two very different directions. I'm starting to relish it.
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Mm. Still being torn apart in two very different directions. I'm starting to relish it. <:)
<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/S/spinalburn/1058587458_drenofgaia.jpg" border="0" alt="Child of Gaia"><br>You are a Child of Gaia. You are a peace-loving,<br>tree-hugging, mediating sort of person. You<br>also might be a coward or a weakling.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/spinalburn/quizzes/Which%20of%20the%20twelve%20werewolf%20tribes%20would%20you%20be%20in%3F/"> <font size="-1">Which of the twelve werewolf tribes would you be in?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>
<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/S/spinalburn/1058587913_onegnawers.jpg" border="0" alt="Bone Gnawer"><br>You are a Bone Gnawer. You're fun, if a little<br>crude, and very street smart. You thrive in<br>the city and it wouldn't bother you that much<br>to be homeless.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/spinalburn/quizzes/Which%20of%20the%20twelve%20werewolf%20tribes%20would%20you%20be%20in%3F/"> <font size="-1">Which of the twelve werewolf tribes would you be in?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>
Since Sylvan cheated, I figured I could. ;) I would only change one question, though: the Stargazers' opinion frequently waffled between ego-stroking delusion and likely reality. Reality says Bone Gnawer, which is pretty danged surprising. I've always wanted to try being homeless, or walking across the country, but I think my race would be too much of a factor. Which is sad. I don't like thinking that way, but it's probably true. <:)
This weekend was a whole lot of fun. Rozberk came down for a surprise visit, which was fun, surprising, and illuminating in a lot of ways. Thanks for the pop-in, horned one. <:)
Saturday, Reah and I went to Eureka Springs, where much shopping, eating and making merry happened. I bought a Chinese tea set I've had my eye on for about a year now, and a shot glass, and two buttons ("Does this dick in my mouth make me look gay?"). I also stocked up on comics; got the Reload issues of Uncanny X-Men, Exiles and District X, as well as the latest Fables *and* the first trade paperback of Fables. I'm really keen on the series, it's probably pound-for-pound the best comic I read regularly.
Sunday was spent recovering from Saturday, breaking in the tea set, and watching "Love Actually," which was a rather great movie. :) It's...typical romantic comedy fare, but spread out over perhaps a dozen or more interconnected people so there's bound to be something that just grabs you. After that, I made a Changeling character with Prismo. There were some instants where I had to grit my teeth and learn not to clamp down; I'm a lot more attached to a specific way of doign things than I thought.
Lately I've been taking an inventory of my attachments, and it's stunning how many I still have. Granted, I've come a ways, but there's a ways to go. I'd like to think otherwise, but when I stop to think about it I'm just as afraid as everyone else; details vary, reactions differ, but me pulling back from people is usually caused by a deep-seated fear. Sometimes, this fear is justified; a lot of people who say they consider me as a friend really don't think of me as such, and this is completely evidenced by little things they say and the way they do things. When you know the situation isn't what someone says it is, it makes things...awkward. I have a fear of being simply 'tolerated' by some folks, and with a few I *know* that's the case. So I'm torn between the hope that things can improve and the fear that there's nothing much I can do to change things. My reaction so far? Pull away completely. There's no sense in forcing a round peg into a square hole.
I'm still insecure. While I'm not quite as shattered by a low opinion of me (in some cases, honestly, it's deserved), I still miss people I knew. People who were open with me, and shared things. People who I could get more than a few words out of. In most of these cases, the reason for distance is completely my fault, but there's just...nothing I can do to bridge that gap. Some people want to keep that distance. And they say it's my fault if it's there. In a lot of ways, it is. Just don't know what to do any more.
I'm in a prime position for the next Great Attachment Purge. There's always going to be regret for the things I've done, but I can at least take comfort in the improvement I've had since then. And in the improvement yet to come. I think I'm comfortable being absolute shit and something a bit more noble at the same time.
<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/S/spinalburn/1058587458_drenofgaia.jpg" border="0" alt="Child of Gaia"><br>You are a Child of Gaia. You are a peace-loving,<br>tree-hugging, mediating sort of person. You<br>also might be a coward or a weakling.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/spinalburn/quizzes/Which%20of%20the%20twelve%20werewolf%20tribes%20would%20you%20be%20in%3F/"> <font size="-1">Which of the twelve werewolf tribes would you be in?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>
<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/S/spinalburn/1058587913_onegnawers.jpg" border="0" alt="Bone Gnawer"><br>You are a Bone Gnawer. You're fun, if a little<br>crude, and very street smart. You thrive in<br>the city and it wouldn't bother you that much<br>to be homeless.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/spinalburn/quizzes/Which%20of%20the%20twelve%20werewolf%20tribes%20would%20you%20be%20in%3F/"> <font size="-1">Which of the twelve werewolf tribes would you be in?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>
Since Sylvan cheated, I figured I could. ;) I would only change one question, though: the Stargazers' opinion frequently waffled between ego-stroking delusion and likely reality. Reality says Bone Gnawer, which is pretty danged surprising. I've always wanted to try being homeless, or walking across the country, but I think my race would be too much of a factor. Which is sad. I don't like thinking that way, but it's probably true. <:)
This weekend was a whole lot of fun. Rozberk came down for a surprise visit, which was fun, surprising, and illuminating in a lot of ways. Thanks for the pop-in, horned one. <:)
Saturday, Reah and I went to Eureka Springs, where much shopping, eating and making merry happened. I bought a Chinese tea set I've had my eye on for about a year now, and a shot glass, and two buttons ("Does this dick in my mouth make me look gay?"). I also stocked up on comics; got the Reload issues of Uncanny X-Men, Exiles and District X, as well as the latest Fables *and* the first trade paperback of Fables. I'm really keen on the series, it's probably pound-for-pound the best comic I read regularly.
Sunday was spent recovering from Saturday, breaking in the tea set, and watching "Love Actually," which was a rather great movie. :) It's...typical romantic comedy fare, but spread out over perhaps a dozen or more interconnected people so there's bound to be something that just grabs you. After that, I made a Changeling character with Prismo. There were some instants where I had to grit my teeth and learn not to clamp down; I'm a lot more attached to a specific way of doign things than I thought.
Lately I've been taking an inventory of my attachments, and it's stunning how many I still have. Granted, I've come a ways, but there's a ways to go. I'd like to think otherwise, but when I stop to think about it I'm just as afraid as everyone else; details vary, reactions differ, but me pulling back from people is usually caused by a deep-seated fear. Sometimes, this fear is justified; a lot of people who say they consider me as a friend really don't think of me as such, and this is completely evidenced by little things they say and the way they do things. When you know the situation isn't what someone says it is, it makes things...awkward. I have a fear of being simply 'tolerated' by some folks, and with a few I *know* that's the case. So I'm torn between the hope that things can improve and the fear that there's nothing much I can do to change things. My reaction so far? Pull away completely. There's no sense in forcing a round peg into a square hole.
I'm still insecure. While I'm not quite as shattered by a low opinion of me (in some cases, honestly, it's deserved), I still miss people I knew. People who were open with me, and shared things. People who I could get more than a few words out of. In most of these cases, the reason for distance is completely my fault, but there's just...nothing I can do to bridge that gap. Some people want to keep that distance. And they say it's my fault if it's there. In a lot of ways, it is. Just don't know what to do any more.
I'm in a prime position for the next Great Attachment Purge. There's always going to be regret for the things I've done, but I can at least take comfort in the improvement I've had since then. And in the improvement yet to come. I think I'm comfortable being absolute shit and something a bit more noble at the same time.
