But we all like stars
Jan. 14th, 2004 08:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
A few people seem to have gotten the wrong idea over the past few days.
Earlier, I've mentioned my very large dissatisfaction with the group I'm in for a few reasons, but the one people seem to have taken hold of and run with is that 'everyone bitches'. Either I'm not making myself clear, or people are misinterpreting my opinion to assume that I don't think there should be any bitching at all. While I'd *like* for everyone to get along, years of living here has taught me a very valuable lesson: not everyone will like everyone.
I don't expect people to like each other. I don't expect people NOT to express their emotions or opinion. And I certainly don't approve of suppressing or ignoring emotion. People assume this because I rarely get truly angry about something, and that I advocate behaving at least politely to someone no matter what your emotions towards that person might be. Having a sense of common politeness and suppressing your emotions is not quite the same thing.
I'm not quite sure where this view comes from, especially since people who know me (which includes everyone here) know that I'm a pretty emotional person. To expect the people around me not to display emotions because they're 'bad emotions' would be hypocritical, if that's what I was upset about.
Here's my problem: the *amount* of bitching that goes on is just too much. I bitch as much as the next guy, but I don't make it a point in life to drive home the fact that I just don't like something every single day. There are quite a few people here who just can't seem to let go of grudges, problems and anxieties, long after the fact that there has been some sort of resolution to it. People can agree to disagree, and that's perfectly all right; but still attacking people's characters after the fact gets insanely old.
There are one or two people I don't care for around these parts as well, and yes, I have made this dislike known; one particular instance it could have even reached the level that I've decried, and if it has then I'll own up to it. My mistake, and I apologize for that.
The general spirit of this group has been lost. Maybe it's because we've grown so fast, or maybe it's just my perception, or a little from column A and B. Maybe the beginnings of this has always been in place and they just needed time to come out. Maybe it's because we have so much history with each other. Maybe we just got tired of certain types of behavior. Or maybe I've just gotten into being with people who like talking more about what they *do* like than what they *don't* like.
The problem isn't all-encompassing, or overwhelming, but it's consistent and I think that needs to be addressed. All attempts to mention this before have resulted in this exact same kind of response. "Well, it's natural to bitch!" "We're not all some stupid monks!" It is natural to bitch, and we're not all monks, but that's not the point.
The point is I don't condemn bitching. Being vocal about something you dislike is definitely a legitimate form of expression. I feel that there are a lot of cases when the bitching becomes simply pointless and destructive, and that line crosses daily. It gets tired to have to leave a party or room frequently just because you don't want to hear about something. And since people chafe at the idea of being criticized, and since apparently I just come off as some kind of moral superior when I point this out, then there's no point in talking about it. The reaction I've gotten so far is probably as disheartening as the situation itself, but then again I probably didn't go about voicing my discontent adequately.
Still, despite this, I really do think this is a great group of people. Really. :) Seph mentioned the idea of being able to be happy wherever you are, and that certainly applies here. I don't think there are but one or two people here that I really have a problem with, and I'd like to think that I've handled those rather well. I could be happy staying here, but my reaction to things would probably have to change; accepting excessive bitching has been something I'm working on, but well...it makes me feel bad. And I have a choice; being vocal about it and potentially being viewed as the morally-uppity prick/bad guy, or removing myself from the situation and alienating myself from people. Neither one is very desirable, I've tried both in a number of different ways, and I just can't come to a resolution where everyone's happy. If I could find a way to remove myself from the broader social drama and still remain friends...but I don't *want* people to change just to accomodate me. Yes, I think I have a valid point, but bah.
It's time for work.
Earlier, I've mentioned my very large dissatisfaction with the group I'm in for a few reasons, but the one people seem to have taken hold of and run with is that 'everyone bitches'. Either I'm not making myself clear, or people are misinterpreting my opinion to assume that I don't think there should be any bitching at all. While I'd *like* for everyone to get along, years of living here has taught me a very valuable lesson: not everyone will like everyone.
I don't expect people to like each other. I don't expect people NOT to express their emotions or opinion. And I certainly don't approve of suppressing or ignoring emotion. People assume this because I rarely get truly angry about something, and that I advocate behaving at least politely to someone no matter what your emotions towards that person might be. Having a sense of common politeness and suppressing your emotions is not quite the same thing.
I'm not quite sure where this view comes from, especially since people who know me (which includes everyone here) know that I'm a pretty emotional person. To expect the people around me not to display emotions because they're 'bad emotions' would be hypocritical, if that's what I was upset about.
Here's my problem: the *amount* of bitching that goes on is just too much. I bitch as much as the next guy, but I don't make it a point in life to drive home the fact that I just don't like something every single day. There are quite a few people here who just can't seem to let go of grudges, problems and anxieties, long after the fact that there has been some sort of resolution to it. People can agree to disagree, and that's perfectly all right; but still attacking people's characters after the fact gets insanely old.
There are one or two people I don't care for around these parts as well, and yes, I have made this dislike known; one particular instance it could have even reached the level that I've decried, and if it has then I'll own up to it. My mistake, and I apologize for that.
The general spirit of this group has been lost. Maybe it's because we've grown so fast, or maybe it's just my perception, or a little from column A and B. Maybe the beginnings of this has always been in place and they just needed time to come out. Maybe it's because we have so much history with each other. Maybe we just got tired of certain types of behavior. Or maybe I've just gotten into being with people who like talking more about what they *do* like than what they *don't* like.
The problem isn't all-encompassing, or overwhelming, but it's consistent and I think that needs to be addressed. All attempts to mention this before have resulted in this exact same kind of response. "Well, it's natural to bitch!" "We're not all some stupid monks!" It is natural to bitch, and we're not all monks, but that's not the point.
The point is I don't condemn bitching. Being vocal about something you dislike is definitely a legitimate form of expression. I feel that there are a lot of cases when the bitching becomes simply pointless and destructive, and that line crosses daily. It gets tired to have to leave a party or room frequently just because you don't want to hear about something. And since people chafe at the idea of being criticized, and since apparently I just come off as some kind of moral superior when I point this out, then there's no point in talking about it. The reaction I've gotten so far is probably as disheartening as the situation itself, but then again I probably didn't go about voicing my discontent adequately.
Still, despite this, I really do think this is a great group of people. Really. :) Seph mentioned the idea of being able to be happy wherever you are, and that certainly applies here. I don't think there are but one or two people here that I really have a problem with, and I'd like to think that I've handled those rather well. I could be happy staying here, but my reaction to things would probably have to change; accepting excessive bitching has been something I'm working on, but well...it makes me feel bad. And I have a choice; being vocal about it and potentially being viewed as the morally-uppity prick/bad guy, or removing myself from the situation and alienating myself from people. Neither one is very desirable, I've tried both in a number of different ways, and I just can't come to a resolution where everyone's happy. If I could find a way to remove myself from the broader social drama and still remain friends...but I don't *want* people to change just to accomodate me. Yes, I think I have a valid point, but bah.
It's time for work.
