It Came To Mind
Jun. 12th, 2003 09:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jakebe
Hey there, all...
Sorry for the last little 'outburst'. That was me on little sleep and way too much frustration.
I'm finding that the more you notice it, the harder it is to be positive. If you really take a step back and look at all of your actions and reactions throughout the day, how many missed opportunities for, well, doing the best possible thing will you have had? I don't know about anyone else, but my day is rife with them.
I have such a thin skin. I am easily slighted, and it's very difficult for me to accept someone's apathy, or dislike for that matter. It bothers me to no end. I wish I could have the presence of mind to not take it so personally, but invariably I do. It's like a default reaction, just pull the trigger and watch it go.
I really do have a strong desire to help people. It really makes me feel great when people come to me with their problems, as much as it can be overwhelming at times. It makes me feel...stable. When I'm anything but. I wish I could be, because if I were I would *definitely* devote my life to service of some sort. (Sometimes, I wish I were Christian *just* so I could be a priest. ;)) As it is, though, I'm not really in a position to help anyone...I'm too busy trying to get my own life together. I just don't possess the constitution for it right now. Maybe in 5...10 years, after I've chilled out enough.
There's a sense of disappointment that usually runs through my day. I recognize what's not 'right' but for some reason I do things that I ultimately regret anyway. Part of the problem is I still don't fully accept how I work. I'm too focused on changing who I am instead of just working with what I've got, channeling the energies that are already there into the best possible use. As always, I'm trying, but progress doesn't come fast enough to prevent these uncomfortable, awkward and embarrassing 'morning afters'.
Sorry for the last little 'outburst'. That was me on little sleep and way too much frustration.
I'm finding that the more you notice it, the harder it is to be positive. If you really take a step back and look at all of your actions and reactions throughout the day, how many missed opportunities for, well, doing the best possible thing will you have had? I don't know about anyone else, but my day is rife with them.
I have such a thin skin. I am easily slighted, and it's very difficult for me to accept someone's apathy, or dislike for that matter. It bothers me to no end. I wish I could have the presence of mind to not take it so personally, but invariably I do. It's like a default reaction, just pull the trigger and watch it go.
I really do have a strong desire to help people. It really makes me feel great when people come to me with their problems, as much as it can be overwhelming at times. It makes me feel...stable. When I'm anything but. I wish I could be, because if I were I would *definitely* devote my life to service of some sort. (Sometimes, I wish I were Christian *just* so I could be a priest. ;)) As it is, though, I'm not really in a position to help anyone...I'm too busy trying to get my own life together. I just don't possess the constitution for it right now. Maybe in 5...10 years, after I've chilled out enough.
There's a sense of disappointment that usually runs through my day. I recognize what's not 'right' but for some reason I do things that I ultimately regret anyway. Part of the problem is I still don't fully accept how I work. I'm too focused on changing who I am instead of just working with what I've got, channeling the energies that are already there into the best possible use. As always, I'm trying, but progress doesn't come fast enough to prevent these uncomfortable, awkward and embarrassing 'morning afters'.
