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A Long Way From Effortless
Little by little, I'm coming to appreciate the time I've suddenly found myself with. Now that I have the space to sit and really work at being in the present, I can see how much I've been ruminating on the past or preparing against a fearful future. It's not so cut-and-dry as all that, but it's also true. It feels like I have the time to actually listen to the pattern of my thoughts or examine the values I've set and whether or not my actions truly serve them. It feels nice to have the room to examine my life again.
Granted, an awful lot of that time has been spent in "diffuse mode" -- playing casual games while listening to YouTube videos, or browsing the Internet at random to follow whatever interests me at the moment. The things I thought I'd be doing, like spending a lot more time chatting with people, hasn't really happened. In fact, I'd almost go so far to say that I'm spending even less time on Telegram and other social media. The pressure to "perform", to be a good friend, is still there. But instead of offering little drips of interaction here and there, I actually have the time to recharge my introvert batteries and aim for the deeper, more connective conversations I really enjoy.
What I've found so far is that I honestly prefer a quieter life. Twitter and Mastodon, Facebook and Instagram and their 'always-on, always networking' attitude breeds anxiety and desperation for me. Stepping back to watch the stream -- without feeling the need to participate in it -- feels much better. I think to buy in to being active online is a bit of a trap; you always feel the need to say something, and you spend so much time on saying it wittier or more eloquently that you bypass the question of whether or not you even need to speak at all.
So now, I think taking some time to address the "THINK" acronym is the way to go --
T = Is it true?
H = Is it helpful?
I = Is it inspiring?
N = Is it necessary?
K = Is it kind?
I mean, sometimes you just want to shitpost and that's OK. :) But 'installing' a mental filter before tweeting or commenting is a great way to practice Right Speech online. In a lot of ways we're at this tipping point with the public sphere, and anything we can do to pull back the viciousness and confusion would be incredibly helpful.
I didn't quite do everything I set out to do this week -- reading and writing haven't been nearly as consistent as I'd like them to be, but I have been focusing a lot on learning how to be a better storyteller by watching various YouTube videos. One such video gave the 'story circle' framework that I rather like a lot, especially for episodic and serialized stories. Framing your story with that circle allows you to think about your ending in a way that guarantees it'll be stronger, but it also helps to structure your story so that the beginning of the next arc has a sense of familiarity to it and leads naturally from what's come before. This will definitely be helpful with "Boundaries", which I'm hoping will be the serial where I cut my teeth on tighter plotting and characterization.
The job search continues. I'm learning that a lot of people really want that college degree but especially now I'm just not in a position to go for it. The best I can do is keep taking online courses to build up a skillset (like JavaScript or Python) and keep working on my soft skills. Next week, I'll try structuring my day a little more tightly to really think through what I want to do and commit the time towards doing it. Frontloading my applications towards the beginning of the week, I think, gives me a bit more time to read resume and cover letter advice, and really tweak things so that I'm putting my best foot forward. Also, having a schedule will hopefully make it easier to stick to my guns on reading and writing.
I've learned that spending too much consecutive time at the computer is a recipe for depression and a kind of exhaustion. It really helps to get up and stretch my legs every so often, so I'll be bundling that into the workflow. Every two hours (or four Pomodoros), I'll leave my desk and preferably go outside or clean up some part of the burrow before getting back to it. Maybe once the burrow is cleaned I can even try picking up a yoga or tai chi routine -- if the unemployment lasts that long.
Granted, an awful lot of that time has been spent in "diffuse mode" -- playing casual games while listening to YouTube videos, or browsing the Internet at random to follow whatever interests me at the moment. The things I thought I'd be doing, like spending a lot more time chatting with people, hasn't really happened. In fact, I'd almost go so far to say that I'm spending even less time on Telegram and other social media. The pressure to "perform", to be a good friend, is still there. But instead of offering little drips of interaction here and there, I actually have the time to recharge my introvert batteries and aim for the deeper, more connective conversations I really enjoy.
What I've found so far is that I honestly prefer a quieter life. Twitter and Mastodon, Facebook and Instagram and their 'always-on, always networking' attitude breeds anxiety and desperation for me. Stepping back to watch the stream -- without feeling the need to participate in it -- feels much better. I think to buy in to being active online is a bit of a trap; you always feel the need to say something, and you spend so much time on saying it wittier or more eloquently that you bypass the question of whether or not you even need to speak at all.
So now, I think taking some time to address the "THINK" acronym is the way to go --
T = Is it true?
H = Is it helpful?
I = Is it inspiring?
N = Is it necessary?
K = Is it kind?
I mean, sometimes you just want to shitpost and that's OK. :) But 'installing' a mental filter before tweeting or commenting is a great way to practice Right Speech online. In a lot of ways we're at this tipping point with the public sphere, and anything we can do to pull back the viciousness and confusion would be incredibly helpful.
I didn't quite do everything I set out to do this week -- reading and writing haven't been nearly as consistent as I'd like them to be, but I have been focusing a lot on learning how to be a better storyteller by watching various YouTube videos. One such video gave the 'story circle' framework that I rather like a lot, especially for episodic and serialized stories. Framing your story with that circle allows you to think about your ending in a way that guarantees it'll be stronger, but it also helps to structure your story so that the beginning of the next arc has a sense of familiarity to it and leads naturally from what's come before. This will definitely be helpful with "Boundaries", which I'm hoping will be the serial where I cut my teeth on tighter plotting and characterization.
The job search continues. I'm learning that a lot of people really want that college degree but especially now I'm just not in a position to go for it. The best I can do is keep taking online courses to build up a skillset (like JavaScript or Python) and keep working on my soft skills. Next week, I'll try structuring my day a little more tightly to really think through what I want to do and commit the time towards doing it. Frontloading my applications towards the beginning of the week, I think, gives me a bit more time to read resume and cover letter advice, and really tweak things so that I'm putting my best foot forward. Also, having a schedule will hopefully make it easier to stick to my guns on reading and writing.
I've learned that spending too much consecutive time at the computer is a recipe for depression and a kind of exhaustion. It really helps to get up and stretch my legs every so often, so I'll be bundling that into the workflow. Every two hours (or four Pomodoros), I'll leave my desk and preferably go outside or clean up some part of the burrow before getting back to it. Maybe once the burrow is cleaned I can even try picking up a yoga or tai chi routine -- if the unemployment lasts that long.
no subject
α Hey… I don't actually have much that I can articulate well about the content right now, but we've been reading your last few posts on Dreamwidth. There's a lot of developmental weirdness happening in our life, and we've been struggling with conditioning over past bad mental patterns and finding work and how to handle socialization and stuff, and… well, it's been really inspiring and reassuring watching someone else openly dealing with those areas of life, even if we haven't been able to be as open, and even though our situations and challenges aren't exactly the same.
I hope I'm not overstepping, because we don't know you very well, but… thank you for being you. ^..^
no subject
I wish you so much success in whatever you're dealing with. It's tough out there, but you've got this. <3