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Release Me From A Mourning Bell
Hey there, all...
I really ought to start updating these things a bit more often.
Anyway, a lot's happened since the return from AC. Even though there was conceivably no one sick at all at the convention, I somehow managed to create my own con crud and get sick anyway. I'm sure that would be fascinating to me if I weren't coughing my eyeballs out.
I really ought to start updating these things a bit more often.
Anyway, a lot's happened since the return from AC. Even though there was conceivably no one sick at all at the convention, I somehow managed to create my own con crud and get sick anyway. I'm sure that would be fascinating to me if I weren't coughing my eyeballs out.
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Hey there, all...
I really ought to start updating these things a bit more often.
Anyway, a lot's happened since the return from AC. Even though there was conceivably no one sick at all at the convention, I somehow managed to create my own con crud and get sick anyway. I'm sure that would be fascinating to me if I weren't coughing my eyeballs out. <:/
In other big news, we've moved! The Tuesday I got back from AC, and was a bad bird and didn't go to work, we went to Pepper's (formerly IHOP) and had a talk with John, the most awesome flaming gay waiter in Fayetteville! He mentioned that there was an opening in his little community about 5 miles or so outside the city, and we thought we might check it out. We liked the place so much, Ryngs and Silver took care of the first month's rent, turning on the utilities and everything, and by this weekend we were mostly moved in. :)
The place is perfect! It's far enough outside of Fayetteville we can see the stars, be surrounded by trees, possums and raccoons (Ryngs and Silver are especially happy about this part), go naked outside without being seen and just generally don't have to deal with a lot of the stupid crap that comes with being in a semi-metropolitan area...but we're close enough to Fayetteville that everything there is just a hop, skip and a jump away...if you have a car. <:)
Therein lies the rub. I really love the location, and the house itself is really nice (it's a trailer, OK?), but I really don't like the idea of having to rely on my roommates to do anything in the city. I mean, well, moreso than before. At least before I could walk to work, or WalMart, or any place I needed to be with no big deal. But now...if I want to get anywhere in Fayetteville, I'm going to need a ride.
At least it's making me really look at getting a driver's liscence and a car once I'm financially upright again. :)
Beyond that, the move went smoothly...with a couple of snags. Mostly it's...relationship stuff. I can sense my relationship with one of my roommates already beginning to change, as I become more dependent on him. Since we've moved into the place, he's become pretty inconsiderate, especially since I made a *lot* of sacrifice to be a part of the move; screwing up my finances for just a little bit longer, not having the privacy I used to (or the entire downstairs apartment), having a tiny, 6' x 9' room to try and squeeze all of my belongings into, being in what is probably the warmest room in the house, sharing my air conditioner so it can go into the larger bedroom, *not* being able to walk or ride a bike where I need to go...and the list just goes on. I don't think he really understands how...uncomfortable it is to be where I am, especially since I've gotten used to the idea that I can be independent and private.
He'll throw stuff into my room that I honestly don't have room for. He takes the two air conditioners and biggest fans, and shuts the door to my room when I'm not there, so it's pretty hot in there by the time I get home (with my computer in danger of overheating). He's moved in most of his stuff, but my belongings have been treated almost as an after-thought. I don't know whether he's *always* been this way, and I never noticed it because we had our own space to be in, or whether he's just gotten worse recently, but the insistent, inconsiderate 'me-first' attitude he's been throwing around has made me more than a little uneasy. Nothing that I do, for all that I've done, is enough. It *has* to be done to his comfort and liking or it's not worth anything. And even then, it's not an...optional thing. It's something that's just expected.
I just really don't like that attitude, and it seems to be this fundamental thing with him now. Hopefully, once we get settled in, and I can get my own vehicle, things will right themselves. Right now, though, I feel less and less like a friend and more of an...inconvenience.
There. I got that off my chest. I feel better.
There's a Changeling game tonight; I've prepared quite a bit for it, and I hope it'll go well. There's a bit of a monkey wrench since <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/delphinios">Delph</a> will be joining the troupe tonight, but his concept fits in easily with the rest of the folks, and I don't think it'll be too big a deal.
Why are antiquated things suddenly not available any more? I went shopping for a mechanical two-bell alarm clock and a full tea set this weekend, and I couldn't find *anything* that was what I was looking for. WalMart has two bell alarm clocks, but they run on batteries, and all of their wind-up clocks don't have two bells (or any external bells at all for that matter). Grr. That sucks. And there is no such thing as a tea set outside of a specialty shop these days. That really blows, because I would actually like to set up a daily tea-time ritual or something. Now I'll have to check eBay or head to the mall to see what can be found.
Work is going all right, though I'm a wee bit stressed because the Internet book sales thing still isn't pulling down the money that justifies my existence here. So, I either have to find a way to make it work, or rely on Charles' good graces to keep me on, in either a reduced role or a more customer-service oriented position. The latter would be preferrable over being fired, but there's got to be a way to make this work. The trouble is, all the theories I've come up with so far would either involve a lot of money, time and/or expertise...and that's something we're a little short on right now. :/
Still haven't taken the break from being on-line like I really think I need to. I think I'm a little burned out on what goes on there, with the exception of a few things (mainly weekly RP or two I participate in), and it just seems...stale. I mean, sure, I could have fun, but I constantly worry about whether people I talk to find my boring or lame.
I think at the root of my worries is this sense of personal and spiritual stagnancy that I've reached, despite the fact that all this stuff has been happening. I haven't written anything for months, haven't really tried to spirit journey (or do *anything* for that matter), and my life just hasn't settled down enough for me to branch out or grow for quite some time. I need to go off and learn something new.
It's odd, because I feel paralyzed expressing my deepest, inner-most thoughts to people one on one. For some reason I feel like my feelings and behaviours are unjustified, so relating them to other people will expose them for the stupidity they are. I only really feel comfortable spilling my guts to this LiveJournal, and so all of the people I care about only...see me indirectly these days. Another thing I need to work on, I guess.
And on top of it all, <a href="http://www.theclassm.com">The Class Menagerie</a>, one of the great Internet web-comics, is ending by December. Foo.
I really ought to start updating these things a bit more often.
Anyway, a lot's happened since the return from AC. Even though there was conceivably no one sick at all at the convention, I somehow managed to create my own con crud and get sick anyway. I'm sure that would be fascinating to me if I weren't coughing my eyeballs out. <:/
In other big news, we've moved! The Tuesday I got back from AC, and was a bad bird and didn't go to work, we went to Pepper's (formerly IHOP) and had a talk with John, the most awesome flaming gay waiter in Fayetteville! He mentioned that there was an opening in his little community about 5 miles or so outside the city, and we thought we might check it out. We liked the place so much, Ryngs and Silver took care of the first month's rent, turning on the utilities and everything, and by this weekend we were mostly moved in. :)
The place is perfect! It's far enough outside of Fayetteville we can see the stars, be surrounded by trees, possums and raccoons (Ryngs and Silver are especially happy about this part), go naked outside without being seen and just generally don't have to deal with a lot of the stupid crap that comes with being in a semi-metropolitan area...but we're close enough to Fayetteville that everything there is just a hop, skip and a jump away...if you have a car. <:)
Therein lies the rub. I really love the location, and the house itself is really nice (it's a trailer, OK?), but I really don't like the idea of having to rely on my roommates to do anything in the city. I mean, well, moreso than before. At least before I could walk to work, or WalMart, or any place I needed to be with no big deal. But now...if I want to get anywhere in Fayetteville, I'm going to need a ride.
At least it's making me really look at getting a driver's liscence and a car once I'm financially upright again. :)
Beyond that, the move went smoothly...with a couple of snags. Mostly it's...relationship stuff. I can sense my relationship with one of my roommates already beginning to change, as I become more dependent on him. Since we've moved into the place, he's become pretty inconsiderate, especially since I made a *lot* of sacrifice to be a part of the move; screwing up my finances for just a little bit longer, not having the privacy I used to (or the entire downstairs apartment), having a tiny, 6' x 9' room to try and squeeze all of my belongings into, being in what is probably the warmest room in the house, sharing my air conditioner so it can go into the larger bedroom, *not* being able to walk or ride a bike where I need to go...and the list just goes on. I don't think he really understands how...uncomfortable it is to be where I am, especially since I've gotten used to the idea that I can be independent and private.
He'll throw stuff into my room that I honestly don't have room for. He takes the two air conditioners and biggest fans, and shuts the door to my room when I'm not there, so it's pretty hot in there by the time I get home (with my computer in danger of overheating). He's moved in most of his stuff, but my belongings have been treated almost as an after-thought. I don't know whether he's *always* been this way, and I never noticed it because we had our own space to be in, or whether he's just gotten worse recently, but the insistent, inconsiderate 'me-first' attitude he's been throwing around has made me more than a little uneasy. Nothing that I do, for all that I've done, is enough. It *has* to be done to his comfort and liking or it's not worth anything. And even then, it's not an...optional thing. It's something that's just expected.
I just really don't like that attitude, and it seems to be this fundamental thing with him now. Hopefully, once we get settled in, and I can get my own vehicle, things will right themselves. Right now, though, I feel less and less like a friend and more of an...inconvenience.
There. I got that off my chest. I feel better.
There's a Changeling game tonight; I've prepared quite a bit for it, and I hope it'll go well. There's a bit of a monkey wrench since <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/delphinios">Delph</a> will be joining the troupe tonight, but his concept fits in easily with the rest of the folks, and I don't think it'll be too big a deal.
Why are antiquated things suddenly not available any more? I went shopping for a mechanical two-bell alarm clock and a full tea set this weekend, and I couldn't find *anything* that was what I was looking for. WalMart has two bell alarm clocks, but they run on batteries, and all of their wind-up clocks don't have two bells (or any external bells at all for that matter). Grr. That sucks. And there is no such thing as a tea set outside of a specialty shop these days. That really blows, because I would actually like to set up a daily tea-time ritual or something. Now I'll have to check eBay or head to the mall to see what can be found.
Work is going all right, though I'm a wee bit stressed because the Internet book sales thing still isn't pulling down the money that justifies my existence here. So, I either have to find a way to make it work, or rely on Charles' good graces to keep me on, in either a reduced role or a more customer-service oriented position. The latter would be preferrable over being fired, but there's got to be a way to make this work. The trouble is, all the theories I've come up with so far would either involve a lot of money, time and/or expertise...and that's something we're a little short on right now. :/
Still haven't taken the break from being on-line like I really think I need to. I think I'm a little burned out on what goes on there, with the exception of a few things (mainly weekly RP or two I participate in), and it just seems...stale. I mean, sure, I could have fun, but I constantly worry about whether people I talk to find my boring or lame.
I think at the root of my worries is this sense of personal and spiritual stagnancy that I've reached, despite the fact that all this stuff has been happening. I haven't written anything for months, haven't really tried to spirit journey (or do *anything* for that matter), and my life just hasn't settled down enough for me to branch out or grow for quite some time. I need to go off and learn something new.
It's odd, because I feel paralyzed expressing my deepest, inner-most thoughts to people one on one. For some reason I feel like my feelings and behaviours are unjustified, so relating them to other people will expose them for the stupidity they are. I only really feel comfortable spilling my guts to this LiveJournal, and so all of the people I care about only...see me indirectly these days. Another thing I need to work on, I guess.
And on top of it all, <a href="http://www.theclassm.com">The Class Menagerie</a>, one of the great Internet web-comics, is ending by December. Foo.