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I'm Really Lucky
Hey there, all...
I've been quiet lately because I haven't felt that I've had a whole lot that's worthwhile to say. You know, it's time for a bit of a retreat to think about things, learn things, absorb and make sure that the track I'm on is the track where I want to be.
I still don't have things figured out, so I'm going to be quiet for a little bit more. In fact, I have a feeling I'm going to be like this right through Ramadan. I'm excited about practicing it, really; I went through a 'test fast' kind of thing earlier this week and I did well, but I'm more worried about being grumpy and assinine than actually sticking to the fast. I notice that I'm getting this really strong streak of determination with sticking through with things, even if I'd much rather be doing something else. Keeping my word with some things is more important.
Even still, there are a lot of things I need to work on. I'm writing, but nowhere near enough. "Kerston Miller" is still being worked on for Mustsy, even though I think I've forgotten the meaning of the word 'first draft'. I know how the story goes, but Kerston wants to show me all of these things, how he developed into who he is, and why he's doing what he's doing. I think it makes for a much richer story than what I had planned, but at the same time I'm already a week past deadline. Even *still*, I feel really bad about the idea of leaving well enough alone. I'm frustrated because I can't seem to get this done even close to on-time, and the deadline aspect of it is keeping me from taking a stroll through Kerston's world at my leisure.
At the same time, there's other things I should be doing. Both Salvation and Boomer Express need to be worked on, though I think I might have a bit more leeway with BE. It looks like Tyrnn will be ending the current storyline in about two or three months, and I'm pretty sure I can have the next 'buffer' story done before then. After that, though... Salvation is another matter: a fellow approached me about collaborating for it, and he really does seem to be excited about it. This, in turn, gets me excited. Next thing you know, we're devolving into this creative orgy, writhing and spurting hot, throbbing ideas onto each other. (eww.) That is...when we have time. But since there's work, company and you know, stuff, all the time... I'd like to keep up the momentum, so I'm really going to have to work on re-doing the character descriptions and cementing the first storyline. I like the idea of taking Milo's initial college experience slowly, but the audience might not like that same kind of attention to detail. There's only so much ground you can uncover before people get bored with what's still fascinating to you. ;) I'll have to tweak it.
I have a few ideas for the tentative comedy show-thing at MFF, but I'm awaiting word from those folks before I really start worrying about it. I've been writing down ideas to play with, so I have a lot of stuff I can develop. I'm really worried about connecting with the audience, though; stuff I find really, really funny people tend to...not find so much. :)
Flying Fox is down for the weekend! Hurrah! He's a really cool guy who's forsaken his OK-AR connections to go hang with the Florida furs, and I think the change in scenery has done him good. He seems to be even more together than he was (he's always been pretty responsible), and he just kind of gives off the vibe that makes you want to do something too. The folks in Florida have that good effect on people, I suspect. I spent yesterday morning chatting, reading and writing while he drew, and that was kind of cool. If the furs here could kind of develop that community feel again, that'd be awesome. :)
As if I didn't have enough to do, there are all kinds of movies I'd like to see: "Mystic River," "The Fighting Temptations," "The Gospel of John," "Intolerable Cruelty," "Lost In Translation"...you know the kind of movies that are going to go first when the big holiday season arrives. :) "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is due out this weekend, so odds-on there'll be a couple of people who want to go see that.
Hmmm...I wonder what 'official' notation for works of art is. Do movies get quotations, while books get italicized? Or is the rule of thumb the same for all works of art. I'm not sure, hmmm.
I've also been getting into the idea of asking really basic questions like "What *is* good?" and how language works as something other than merely a functional method of conveying facts. We all know what green is, but there's a lot of baggage that comes with the concept of 'green'. What do you think of when you think of green? Trees? Money? A sweater? Eyes? Blond hair? What kind of associations do you attach with it? What mood does it invoke in you? How did a word that's meant to express the way light refracts off something come to develop such a psychological wallop? Every word we use has a history. Is this a good thing, or a bad thing? Is it just a thing? As children, we don't know anything about this history; over time, we learn it, or stumble upon it in our own experience. While this is a useful thing, I imagine, it also comes to block us from another way of thinking. I'm not sure if this other way of thinking is 'truth' or not, but I think it deserves a looksee. Green isn't the color of trees, maybe. Green is just green. A tree is just a tree. What good comes of detaching the two (when we think of describing trees, usually the first thing we think about is its color -- green and brown. At least *I* do)? The tree is real, but its color -- or the significance we put on those colors -- is an abstraction. Hmm.
I'm stepping into territory in which I've never been. :) When I really stop to think about it, my mind is a lot more messy than I realize, and I feel...not stupid, though there's that too, but vastly ignorant. I don't mind the ignorance, really; that's a good feeling. For me, ignorance contains a vast potential for surprise and wonder. I love the feeling of a question mark turning into an exclamation point. I more worry about whether *if* all the question marks I have will turn, whether I have the capacity and will to hammer them all straight.
At 23 years old, I still feel like I'm just...developing, like I'm just seeing all this vast potential. I feel like a child that's started late. I feel good and awe-filled and urgent all at the same time.
Which is why it frustrates me so that I'm not *doing* anything with all of this.
I just have to keep pushing. Harder.
I've been quiet lately because I haven't felt that I've had a whole lot that's worthwhile to say. You know, it's time for a bit of a retreat to think about things, learn things, absorb and make sure that the track I'm on is the track where I want to be.
I still don't have things figured out, so I'm going to be quiet for a little bit more. In fact, I have a feeling I'm going to be like this right through Ramadan. I'm excited about practicing it, really; I went through a 'test fast' kind of thing earlier this week and I did well, but I'm more worried about being grumpy and assinine than actually sticking to the fast. I notice that I'm getting this really strong streak of determination with sticking through with things, even if I'd much rather be doing something else. Keeping my word with some things is more important.
Even still, there are a lot of things I need to work on. I'm writing, but nowhere near enough. "Kerston Miller" is still being worked on for Mustsy, even though I think I've forgotten the meaning of the word 'first draft'. I know how the story goes, but Kerston wants to show me all of these things, how he developed into who he is, and why he's doing what he's doing. I think it makes for a much richer story than what I had planned, but at the same time I'm already a week past deadline. Even *still*, I feel really bad about the idea of leaving well enough alone. I'm frustrated because I can't seem to get this done even close to on-time, and the deadline aspect of it is keeping me from taking a stroll through Kerston's world at my leisure.
At the same time, there's other things I should be doing. Both Salvation and Boomer Express need to be worked on, though I think I might have a bit more leeway with BE. It looks like Tyrnn will be ending the current storyline in about two or three months, and I'm pretty sure I can have the next 'buffer' story done before then. After that, though... Salvation is another matter: a fellow approached me about collaborating for it, and he really does seem to be excited about it. This, in turn, gets me excited. Next thing you know, we're devolving into this creative orgy, writhing and spurting hot, throbbing ideas onto each other. (eww.) That is...when we have time. But since there's work, company and you know, stuff, all the time... I'd like to keep up the momentum, so I'm really going to have to work on re-doing the character descriptions and cementing the first storyline. I like the idea of taking Milo's initial college experience slowly, but the audience might not like that same kind of attention to detail. There's only so much ground you can uncover before people get bored with what's still fascinating to you. ;) I'll have to tweak it.
I have a few ideas for the tentative comedy show-thing at MFF, but I'm awaiting word from those folks before I really start worrying about it. I've been writing down ideas to play with, so I have a lot of stuff I can develop. I'm really worried about connecting with the audience, though; stuff I find really, really funny people tend to...not find so much. :)
Flying Fox is down for the weekend! Hurrah! He's a really cool guy who's forsaken his OK-AR connections to go hang with the Florida furs, and I think the change in scenery has done him good. He seems to be even more together than he was (he's always been pretty responsible), and he just kind of gives off the vibe that makes you want to do something too. The folks in Florida have that good effect on people, I suspect. I spent yesterday morning chatting, reading and writing while he drew, and that was kind of cool. If the furs here could kind of develop that community feel again, that'd be awesome. :)
As if I didn't have enough to do, there are all kinds of movies I'd like to see: "Mystic River," "The Fighting Temptations," "The Gospel of John," "Intolerable Cruelty," "Lost In Translation"...you know the kind of movies that are going to go first when the big holiday season arrives. :) "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is due out this weekend, so odds-on there'll be a couple of people who want to go see that.
Hmmm...I wonder what 'official' notation for works of art is. Do movies get quotations, while books get italicized? Or is the rule of thumb the same for all works of art. I'm not sure, hmmm.
I've also been getting into the idea of asking really basic questions like "What *is* good?" and how language works as something other than merely a functional method of conveying facts. We all know what green is, but there's a lot of baggage that comes with the concept of 'green'. What do you think of when you think of green? Trees? Money? A sweater? Eyes? Blond hair? What kind of associations do you attach with it? What mood does it invoke in you? How did a word that's meant to express the way light refracts off something come to develop such a psychological wallop? Every word we use has a history. Is this a good thing, or a bad thing? Is it just a thing? As children, we don't know anything about this history; over time, we learn it, or stumble upon it in our own experience. While this is a useful thing, I imagine, it also comes to block us from another way of thinking. I'm not sure if this other way of thinking is 'truth' or not, but I think it deserves a looksee. Green isn't the color of trees, maybe. Green is just green. A tree is just a tree. What good comes of detaching the two (when we think of describing trees, usually the first thing we think about is its color -- green and brown. At least *I* do)? The tree is real, but its color -- or the significance we put on those colors -- is an abstraction. Hmm.
I'm stepping into territory in which I've never been. :) When I really stop to think about it, my mind is a lot more messy than I realize, and I feel...not stupid, though there's that too, but vastly ignorant. I don't mind the ignorance, really; that's a good feeling. For me, ignorance contains a vast potential for surprise and wonder. I love the feeling of a question mark turning into an exclamation point. I more worry about whether *if* all the question marks I have will turn, whether I have the capacity and will to hammer them all straight.
At 23 years old, I still feel like I'm just...developing, like I'm just seeing all this vast potential. I feel like a child that's started late. I feel good and awe-filled and urgent all at the same time.
Which is why it frustrates me so that I'm not *doing* anything with all of this.
I just have to keep pushing. Harder.