Sep. 20th, 2004

jakebe: (raven)
I haven't been updating very regularly, mainly because I've felt that I don't really have anything interesting to say. I could spend hours sitting here thinking about my life instead of living it, and I think I'm finally coming out of my navel-gazing phase. :)

Ever since California I've been infused with a new sense of purpose in my life, a better attitude about who I am and where I'm going. When I was there, I wasn't *trying* to be anyone, wasn't striving to fit a particular mode or niche; I just was who I was, and that was enough. If I felt like being quiet, I was quiet. If I felt like being spacy, well, I could do that, too. I couldn't belch without the horrid pallor of guilt hanging lowly over my head, but well, you know, you kind of unlearn civilization when you're in Arkansas.

Newness became this wonderful thing instead of something unknown and scary. I could talk to people without worrying about looking like a complete ditz (because, face it, California kind of corners the market on those :D), I could be as friendly or as withdrawn as I wanted to be and it was OK. It was an amazing experience that made me rethink how I handle people in general, what I think about the public at large. My opinion of them became...not lower, but different. I grew more aware of their faults but at the same time I was able to recognize that people are just people, and they're going to be complete fuck-ups from time to time. While this might annoy or upset me because of my own flaws and imperfections, this is all right. Even if I decide I don't *like* a person, I wouldn't call them 'bad'. Just incompatible. And even if I really, really don't like someone, I can still have a certain unexplained affection for them, just because they're well, people. I feel this is a good place for a writer to be.

As such, I've been trying to write a lot more and I've met limited success in that regard. I still slack an awful lot, but the urge to create is so deeply ingrained that I have to spend at least five minutes a day poking around with words in some way. A lot of what that's produced isn't really showable, but it's *something*. The seeds are there and they're germinating in their own little ways.

Hit the ground running since I came back from my trip, and this weekend was the first chance I really got to kind of stop.

Dire

Sep. 20th, 2004 08:57 am
jakebe: (Default)
You know, I've been hoping it wouldn't quite come to this, but with recent events...

As most of you know, I'm planning to go to Australia next summer, to help at Roo Gully, a neat little wildlife park in W.A. Getting there is no small feat financially, since I have to procure plane tickets halfway around the world, save up enough for other travel expenditures, and make sure I've still got enough left over to fund a move when I come back.

Well, between student loans, unexpected expenses for a car I no longer have, conventions that I have to make at this point, and helping out dear old Mother, it's a devil of a time saving, and with the addition of having to pay for my meals while there, the line between 'difficult' and 'impossible' is looming ever nearer.

Does anyone know of a good work-at-home opportunity that gets me a steady income, but I can work at part-time? Envelope stuffing, copyediting, whatever, I'm not picky. At this point, I'm going to need another job to get this done. Any help that anyone can give would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

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