Jan. 29th, 2004

jakebe: (Default)
Man, I was grumpy last night. Sorry, people.

I really don't think I'm meant to have a whole lot of friends.
jakebe: (Default)
I spent much of the day in correspondence; catching up on way, way too long overdue e-mails and practicing my long dormant letter-writing skills. It feels good to connect to people in these small, ordinary ways.

My last post could easily be looked at as a grab for pity or sympathy, I guess, but I didn't mean it that way. When I sit back and think about my attitudes towards people, crowds, groups, friendships and relationships I'm sometimes amazed at how...difficult I can be, especially on-line. Most of the time when I hop on to a MUCK or a chat program, I'm tired, or distracted with something else, or trolling for sex...none of which are exactly empathetic frames of mind. A lot of people who talk to me mostly on-line see this really...self-absorbed, demanding person because well, that's what I'm like when I'm here. It's sucky, though. :)

The more I think about it, the more I'm gravitating towards other forms of communication as being more honest; phone calls, snail letters, talking face-to-face. Being on-line is rapidly becoming more of a very specific marginal activity where most of what I'm into is never shown. I don't think this is a bad thing, necessarily, but that's what's going on.

Tomorrow, I get up, hopefully write before work, work, dinner with Odis, then game with Odis and Nikon. I have no idea what the game is going to be like, but I'm looking forward to it. Rozberk, Kamber and Tart Kitten are coming down this weekend, but I think they'll be spending Friday evening with Gentle, so that's good. Between Joey's and Odis' games, I think most of the Cube is going to be somewhat occupied.

I did preliminary work on a game Arlekin's running with Willie and I, and I really *love* the feel of it so far. It's straight role-playing, and neither of our characters are the standard 'adventuring' molds. I never thought you'd come up with a concept where there was no rough class equivalent, but both of us managed it. It's really involved; we're delving into really basic anthropology, sociology, mysticism and psychology to mine for character and story ideas, and the results have been fantastic so far. I'm actually pretty excited about it. :)

Beyond that, I feel largely calm. Berios expressed interest in having me write a comic for him to draw, and an idea has been slowly forming ever since. I'm not really sure what form it should take (strip or pages?), and there are particulars that need hashing out, but there's something incubating. "Grey Warming Over" is plodding along at it's own pace, still, and I should have it done by the deadline if I keep plugging away at it. If there's one thing this story has taught me, it's how largely ignorant I am of history.

I keep telling myself to read through Harry Potter again, but I keep picking up Zen books. ;P Right now I'm working on both Encouraging Words by Robert Aitken and Stumbling Towards Enlightenment by Geri Larkin. They're both rather nifty books; Aitken is gearing Zen practice to Western laymen, much like Larkin, and both of them have a clean, honest, accessible approach. Aitken's writing style is...traditionally Zen, but brisk and simple, so it's easy to grasp. Larkin is much more personal, so it comes off as...messier, is the only way to describe it. Still, she's honest, and the ideas she presents kind of sneak in from behind and disarm you. You don't need to take the practice as something austere, serious or even sacred. It's just something you do, but it helps on such a fundamental level it changes everything. Right on. ;)

I've babbled enough. Bed for me.

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